"a brief moment in time where it feels like she never left"

In about 3 months it will be 2 years since my Mom passed away. Saying that feels so strange and foreign to me, as it doesn't quite feel like yesterday but it certainly does not feel like 2 years. Grief is such a powerful emotion and process that is unfortunately a part of life that we all have to go through. When I say go through I personally don't think that we just pass through, some of us stopping and lingering unwillingly or willingly longer than others. No, I think that grief is something that stays with a person and never truly and completely goes away. I think that it lays dormant for any period of time and can creep back up at any point. I do not think that grief is something that we go through but something that we carry with us and learn how to cope with as apposed to learning how to get rid of. Grief is the process of learning how to deal with the loss, the hurt, the confusion, the heartbreak of losing someone and losing a  part of your life that will inevitably never return. When you lose someone whom you love so much I don't think that anyone could ever possibly be 100% over it. Could ever possibly go through and wake up one day to never again miss that person, feel saddened that that person is gone, or wish that person could come back. No, we learn to cope with all of those feelings.

Grief is something that I will have to cope with for the rest of my life. We all deal with it and learn to cope in different ways. Some may be stronger than others, some may just look that way. Whilst others may have a harder time learning to deal with all of the emotions of losing someone so close. I am still learning and struggling ever day. I admit it is a little bit easier but not everyday feels that way. I still cannot bring myself to delete her name and phone number of my cell phone. I feel as though in some way it keeps her here. Crazy I know, what is even crazier is that I have called that number. I don't know what exactly I was expecting but its the inevitable 'this number is not assigned'. She is gone, she will never answer her phone again but for that brief moment in time when I press dial its a brief moment in time where it feels like she never left.

Its Turkey time!

This post may not apply to all my readers but since I live in Canada it is Thanksgiving tomorrow and I am rather looking forward to it. Today was a celebratory at my in-laws house for the husbands birthday which was today as well as there Thanksgiving. Tomorrow we have my side of the family coming over to our house which will only make it 5 of us as others are away. I am so looking forward to it, I love getting together with family and even more when it is over a giant feast of yummy food.

So for everyone who is celebrating Thanksgiving this weekend "Happy Thanksgiving". For those of you who aren't "Happy Weekend!".  This ending makes me feel as though I should finish off with "Stay fit and have fun! Courtesy of Body Break.

Enjoy!

Photos Via: crabbygolightly.com, cotureallure.com

Help raise awareness for Alcoholism

                                         Sandra Jane Brideau - My best friend - My Mother

In todays society it is too often that we do not tell people what sometimes really needs to be said. Why is this? Are we afraid of the outcome, are we afraid of confrontation, or hurting the other person or is it just too easy to not say anything to someone and push it under the lumpy carpet along with all of our other thoughts and worries.

About a year and a half ago I lost my mom to alcoholism. I do not remember anyone saying anything to her about it and confronting her with her illness. I am one of those people. Do I regret not saying anything? Do I regret not sharing my concerns with her? Absolutely. But this falls under the category of not wanting to cause hurt or confrontation. It was a situation of not wanting to make someone hurt more than they already were, even know they were slowly killing themselves.

Alcoholism is sometimes not taken as seriously as this disease is. When you think of someone who is alcohol dependant you think of some vagrant walking the streets drinking out of a brown plastic bag, hell sometimes no plastic bag at all. But in reality it is much more than that. It is the father who works and provides for his family while not being able to go a day without drinking. It is a mother who drinks first thing in the morning when she wakes up because she could not make it through work without. Its aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters, friends and loved ones. We need to stop being so closed minded about addiction and look at it for what it really is.

Raising awareness about Alcoholism and truly knowing and understanding what this disease is, is only one step in becoming more aware. Learning to not be so judgemental when someone is struggling with an addiction, and accepting the fact that it is a disease. If we know someone who is alcohol dependant we need to express our thoughts and concerns for that person. Maybe by having just one more hand to hold though the process someone will find the strength within themselves to fight.

Losing my mother at the age of 47 was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. It breaks my heart to know that she was fighting something so strong and terrifying sometimes all by herself. So I have decided to write this blog, in hopes that maybe someday we can all learn more and help someone who is battling this horrible disease.

If you or someone that you know is battling with an addiction, please know that you really are not alone. It may be the hardest thing for you to do but there is help. Know that you can fight this and it is possible. With hard work and determination nothing is impossible.

For information on Alcoholism and Addiction:

Alcoholics Anonymous - http://www.aacanada.com/
Canadian Liver Foundation - http://www.liver.ca/

Life truly is what we make it!

Sometimes in life we do not stop to really appreciate all that each of our lives has to offer us. Not appreciating the sunshine after a storm, the trees and the oxygen they provide us to live, the dirt in which our food is able to grow and the mother who provided life to you, who loved you unconditionally and who was your best friend. 

Not taking the time to really stop and appreciate everything in life is an unfortunate life that many of us live. We do not realize sometimes how much something or someone is needed or how much they truly mean to you until they are gone. 

We live in a world that is so fast passed it feels like we are all on fast forward. It feels like one moment is here and in the blink of an eye so much changes. Life is not a right that anyone of us has, it is a privilege that is too often taken for granted. Life is beautiful, but like most things beautiful life is fragile. If you to not treat it with care it can so easily be broken and taken from you. 

Life see us through times of love, and times of loss, and times of change. Life teaches us so many valuable lessons and the rest we have to learn on our own. How to become ourselves without losing the knowledge of how to respect and appreciate the life that we are given. All too often we forget what we have learned and lose the knowledge of what is important in life until it is taken. And like most things that are taken from us we have no way of getting them back. 

Learning how to mow forward and accept mistakes that we have made is one lesson that we learn and we teach ourselves to move forward but not forget. By not forgetting mistakes we have made it helps us to avoid those same mistakes in the future. But in order to move forward we need to learn how to forgive. Learn how to forgive both ourselves and others. Forgiveness cannot be forced, you have to want to forgive and you also have to find what it truly means to forgive. Only then will you be able to move forward. But you will be moving forward with very important tools that will help you make the best of the life that has provided to you. Tools that will help you to appreciate the beautiful gift that we are given the day that we are born. And appreciate the parents who not only gave you the gift of life but also the parents who helped you live that life. 

In honor of my mom, I am dedicating the rest of my life in memory of you. My mother and my best friend. Don't lose what is most important to you, always appreciate what you have.